Friday, July 29, 2011

JULY 29, 2011

I’m not going to say that my day went well and I’m feeling okay. No, not today. I’m not going to pretend that everything’s fine coz it’s not the truth. After all the lies I’ve said in my entire life, I’ve come to the point that I really want to be honest to myself. It’s so pitiful that I’ve reached this state. Ugh. And it’s all because of what happened today.

As most of my days go, July 29, 2011 started out well. I woke up way before my alarm sounded; I drank my ever-present Milo, took a bath, dressed up and went to school. I actually didn’t come late on my first class, which is RARE. Really, coz classes start at 7:30 every Fridays. Then I had no classes on my second and third period. And being the student assistant that I am, I went to the clinic where I do my duty til 5. It’s quite fulfilling to be a student assistant, except for the times when those regular students disrespect me. But whatever. It doesn’t matter right now anyway.

After duty, I still have another class which is Law1. It starts at 5:30. So, Atty. started things by returning our answer booklets from our preliminary exam last week. And that’s when things started to get bad. He then told us our grades for the prelim, which are BAD. I mean fucking seriously BAD. Most of us got a line-of-7 grade. By that time, I was already panicking coz I’m worried with what grade I’m going to have. And that’s when Atty. broke it down to me that I wasn’t on his student list which was awful. I’ve been attending his class ever since the start of the sem. I was like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK are you talking about? But I didn’t really say that, in case you’re wondering. Just on my mind. I didn’t know what to do so I just stood there and stare at him. You have to know, Atty. is an old man and he’s very strict. I’m starting to hate him because of that. And because I was not on his freaking student list, he can’t give me back my exam and quiz results. You can’t imagine how stressed that made me.

So then he realized that our class was way behind in terms of discussion so he took off with our lesson for the day.  It went okay. From then on I decided to wear my POKERFACE coz I’m as depressed as shit. Then it was quarter before 7 which is Atty.’s usual time of dismissal. He called me to him to ask me to write my name on his record book. [Well, why didn’t you ask me that earlier so I didn’t have to undergo that little piece of hell I just had]. He then made me calculate my own grade. Prelim – 79, Quiz – 77, then on the other two categories I got 84. I don’t know how he got that 84. It, like, just popped up on his mind right at that moment. His exact words were, “Sige, 84 nalang diyan. Pati diyan sa isa pa.” I was, like, “err, okay?” Dang. WHERE’S THE JUSTICE IN THAT? Anywho, in the end, I got 80. What I really got was 79.4 this prelim but he said I got 80, so fine. 80. I’m fine and not fine with this grade. Like, 80? What the hell. This is so not me, dude. I’m used to getting 90’s and higher. I don’t wanna blame my computer here but yeah, the internet is really at fault here. If it wasn’t for my Tumblr blog, I wouldn’t be this way. Sheesh, kidding! That’s going to be the lamest thing I’ve ever said [or written]. Anyway, no one’s to blame here but me and my carelessness. I went to “petiks” mode all this time. I’m gonna return to the serious me now. So I won’t ever have this kind of bullshit again.

*sighs* It’s really nice to take this all out of my chest. I don’t have the power to talk about this to anyone right now, that’s why I wrote it all down. I have friends, mind you. I just don’t wanna talk to them. They all have this mindset about me. I’m the no-fun, know-it-all of our group. They all think I’m all smarts and shit. Well, in fact, I’m not. I’m pretty stupid, if you must know. So yeah. I can breathe properly now and I’m tearing up the POKERFACE I’ve been wearing for hours. Thank you, God! J

I hope the next time I read this, what happened on July 29, 2011 won’t matter that much anymore.

Good night. 

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